Dive into the archives.
- Life After Film School
Here I am, enjoying Hulu, until one program thoroughly pisses me off. Have you checked out “Life After Film School”. Can’t we at least PRETEND that black or female filmmakers matter? Where the hell is “token”? Are you telling me that Spike said no to publicity? Sheet. Exactly what stories could Kevin Bacon share that would be more educational and entertaining than say, Marcia Gay Harden? KB, I’m sure you’re proud of your Teen Choice Award, but its not quite the same as an Oscar.
I’ll bet you one “person” knows of every black filmmaker who went to film school: Sallie Mae.
- When You Think Voiceover
When the Hallmark Channel does a biopic of my life, I am expecting Morgan Freeman to do the voice-over. He’s a very youthful 71 and sounds more like God, then, uh God. (yes, I would know). I am hoping for his speedy recovery from a recent car accident. so he can get back to what he does best (interracial buddy movies and playing God). And as much as I love a good conspiracy, Oliver Stone should pause before taking on the Obama Hollywood Supporters Accident Conspiracy!!! (say with echo voice).
Note to LA Times, this is a far stretch from “All The Presidents Men”
- The Fear Factor
The media’s incessant desire to scare the shit out of us is precisely why I hate the media (technically, I am also part of the “media” but let’s over look that for a minute). In CNN’s “Empowered Patient” segment they have an article titled, “If you get hit by a bus tomorrow”. Oh lord! If you keep reading these articles, you will only go from empowered to incapacitated.
- McDonalds - Keep My Grandmother Out of This!
Sometimes I am filled with such ire, such disgust for a commercial that I can’t wait to unleash my venom all over the place. I did a two day search trying to find a video clip for the McDonald’s Southern Style Chicken Sandwich that had me so heated. I couldn’t find a clip but I did find another blog post that says it all.
- Project Red Light
I love the LA Times headline, “Shia LaBeouf didn’t cause car wreck. But he does have daddy issues.” Ok - so his Dad was a heroin addict. He is an alcoholic. But please, let’s give Shia some props for being the only one to benefit (survive) from the Matt Damon/Ben Affleck/Miramax reality tv trainwreck.
- The Miley Conspiracy
Miley’s label and/or management (Dad?) are up to some sloppy media manipulation. First, she as wholesome as Kelloggs Corn Flakes. Then she releases some whorish song that disappears. Then! She is all hurt and violated (please!) by Annie Leibovitz for exposing Miley’s virginal shoulders for Vanity Fair. In the same magazine, she brags about her media business savvy. Hmm…Lastly, the same whorish song is re-released and articles are swirling that she is “the next Madonna.” Unless I see Miley french-kiss Dakota Fanning while promoting her porno shoot with Lil Wayne (because the real Ms M is all about blatant promotion) , I am certain this is all some over the top marketing ploy.
- Screw Pfizer! Eat Watermelon!
Millions of women who suffer from depression are going to read this: “Viagra helpful to women on antidepressants, study finds” and rush to their doctor for a script of the little blue pill. Chances are that the pill’s effect is similar to a placebo…if it took 10 years to prove the connection. The same study was funded by the humanitarian interests (I’m sure) of Pfizer. Since we now know that Watermelon shares the same active ingredient as Viagra, Dr CMart suggests that all of these women take their depressed asses to Costco and load up on some fruit.
- Janet Jackson: “Fleeting Material”
A court recently overturned the $550,000 fine against CBS for airing the notorious Justin/Janet Super Bowl fiasco. Considering how JJ’s career is doing lately (c’mon, I LOVED Penny, but we all know that if she weren’t a Jackson, that voice of hers wouldn’t have made it through the first rounds of “America’s Got Talent”), she’d probably rather be known as flashing some indecent nip than being labeled “fleeting.”
- Sambo Was Getting All the Honeys
All of my life, I have felt bad about the Sambo character. But no more! After reading this article in the Science Daily, I actually suspect Sambo was the Original Ladies Man, the man who coined “once you go black…”
He knew the true power and, uh, natural lift from watermelon.
Whose got the last laugh now?
- Don’t Spare the Rod
I read on the cover of, was it the Post? Daily News?, that Cynthia Rodriguez (aka C-Rod) blames Madonna for A Rod’s infidelity and their pending divorce. I hope that’s not true. It’s not like Madonna (who my dear friend affectionately calls “Grandma”) is a saint or “blessed virgin”, but for once, women need to stop blaming each other when a man’s “head” goes astray. He was a whore before he met Madonna and will be a whore after.
- Craigs List: “I’m Your Pusher”
Can you imagine circling a job in the New York Times help wanted section that read “Seeking Administrative Assistant for Cocaine Friendly Law Firm?”
This from Craigs List, under crew, “Seeking 420 Friendly Film Staff (no pay sorry! possible intern credit?)”. You should see all the responsibilities and time commitment required for this poor sap. And they want him/her to do this, stoned, in time for Sundance due date? At least coke will increase your productivity.
Out of curiosity I did a search on the origins of the term “420″ and found this link.
- TRAILER!!!!!
Everyone knows I heart TMZ, aka Hard News Reporting. Before I begin my Fourth of July festivities, I wanted to share this with my people: “Cindy Brady - Grown Up, About to Throw Up“.
Cindy is no longer selling seashells by the seashore…she’s probably selling crystal meth.
- Crazy Like A Fox
Fox News. Fair and Balanced? Sure.
If, however, you took issue with Fox reporters calling Mrs. Obama, “Obama’s baby mama” or their victory pound, as a “terrorist fist jab”, send Roger Ailes (President of Fox News) a letter. It’s so easy to do.
- “He’s A Lovely Kid”
Imus is back. Open mouth insert foot. Apparently, his intent on asking “What color is he” (in regards to the sixth arrests of Dallas Cowboys Adam Jones) was to show he is down with the people, he understands the struggles of blacks in America. I don’t want Al Sharpton speaking for me so I sure as hell don’t want Imus speaking for me. Imus - you’re back. Not black.
- Amy Winehouse Father Tom Brokaw Smoking Crack
Taking a cue from “Hard News” which has extensively covered the meltdowns of various pop phenoms while other more pressing matters are going on, more and more papers have taken to mixing headlines. The Arsonist is not opposed to this. You basically get the message don’t you?
- Sing-a-Long: Italians
It’s been a while since I did a sing-a-long. This one is dedicated to all of the Italians with too much time on their hands and too lazy to find a real cause. (Seriously, if anyone thinks negatively of Italian-Americans it is NOT because they watched “Jungle Fever” too many times.)
Sing!
What’sa matta you, hey!
Gotta no respect, whatta you think you do,
Why you looka so sad?
It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place,
Ah, Shaddap You Face!
- Spin Baby Spin!
Thanks to Scott McClellan, we know just how much to trust the Bush administration spokespersons. Scott Stanzel, speaking for the White House, defined our economy as “slow growth, but still positive“. I just can’t wait until he’s fired and writes a tell-all book. As Judge Milian would say, “I wouldn’t believe you if your tongue came notarized”.
- Nuevo Puerto Rico!
I just watched “Recount” on HBO which tells the incredible story of the 2000 election and how (thanks to Florida), Dubya weaseled his way into the White House and into hearts. And now here we are again, Florida meddling in affairs and screwing with the election process. What we need to do is demote Florida. They can be a part of the USA just without all of the perks. Consider them the New Puerto Rico. Brilliant.
- Shooting Horses
One of my all time favorite movies is “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” directed by (sadly departed) Sydney Pollack. I am not a fan of remakes of my favorite movies (Pelham 123 is causing me nightmares) but if someone were to redo a film about the unbelievable deprived circumstances people will engage in in order to make a dime and have a meal during an economic depression, I would at least agree that the times make it appropriate.
And if you are a fan of HBO’s “Real Sports”, like myself, then you know they do indeed shoot horses. (I hope they rot in hell).
- A Woman’s Place
The world would be such a better place if people would just remember where they belong. (And fyi to the Washington Times, it’s a bit foolish to call CBS’ Early Show “hard news”. Actually how is a montage of last nights “Big Brother” show by Julie Chen considered hard hitting? Anyway…)
Yea! Hannah!
[tags]Hannah Storm, ESPN, SportsCenter, Early Show, NBA[/tags]
