Dive into the archives.
- Akeelah and the Ball
All I am saying is, its nice that folks are working. Ice Cube is “keeping it real, keeping it raw” alongside Keke Palmer in this summer’s smash hit, #1 black comedy based on a sport summer movie, “The Longshots”. As Dre would say “been there, done that”.
- Life After Film School
Here I am, enjoying Hulu, until one program thoroughly pisses me off. Have you checked out “Life After Film School”. Can’t we at least PRETEND that black or female filmmakers matter? Where the hell is “token”? Are you telling me that Spike said no to publicity? Sheet. Exactly what stories could Kevin Bacon share that would be more educational and entertaining than say, Marcia Gay Harden? KB, I’m sure you’re proud of your Teen Choice Award, but its not quite the same as an Oscar.
I’ll bet you one “person” knows of every black filmmaker who went to film school: Sallie Mae.
- There’s Something About Farv-ver-rer
There’s only two things I remember that were funny in that Farrelly Bros movie (sorry, kids, I just wasn’t a fan). The “hair gel” and Brett Farve - more specifically, all attempts to say his last name. I think its lovely that he has chosen the NY (aren’t they NJ?) Jets as his final resting place.
What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
What did I tell you? I’m a Giants Fan.
- Motown, Been Mowed Down
(No surprise that both the Arsonist and I rushed to comment on Kwame)
I have an impeccable eye for real estate. Mark my words, Detroit is a good investment. The main reason it is such a pile of crap at the moment is thanks to their Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick. Well - Mr Kwame (why does that name make me think of hip hop circa 1989 and polka dotted shirts?) has been thrown in jail. And if Sharpe James (yet another black mayor in lockdown. Sheesh!) and the turn around in Newark is any indication, then Motown has plenty of possibilities. Let’s thank the Detroit Free Press for this amusing article, “Mayors sent to jail while in office.” What a read!
- When You Think Voiceover
When the Hallmark Channel does a biopic of my life, I am expecting Morgan Freeman to do the voice-over. He’s a very youthful 71 and sounds more like God, then, uh God. (yes, I would know). I am hoping for his speedy recovery from a recent car accident. so he can get back to what he does best (interracial buddy movies and playing God). And as much as I love a good conspiracy, Oliver Stone should pause before taking on the Obama Hollywood Supporters Accident Conspiracy!!! (say with echo voice).
Note to LA Times, this is a far stretch from “All The Presidents Men”
- Project Red Light
I love the LA Times headline, “Shia LaBeouf didn’t cause car wreck. But he does have daddy issues.” Ok - so his Dad was a heroin addict. He is an alcoholic. But please, let’s give Shia some props for being the only one to benefit (survive) from the Matt Damon/Ben Affleck/Miramax reality tv trainwreck.
- The Miley Conspiracy
Miley’s label and/or management (Dad?) are up to some sloppy media manipulation. First, she as wholesome as Kelloggs Corn Flakes. Then she releases some whorish song that disappears. Then! She is all hurt and violated (please!) by Annie Leibovitz for exposing Miley’s virginal shoulders for Vanity Fair. In the same magazine, she brags about her media business savvy. Hmm…Lastly, the same whorish song is re-released and articles are swirling that she is “the next Madonna.” Unless I see Miley french-kiss Dakota Fanning while promoting her porno shoot with Lil Wayne (because the real Ms M is all about blatant promotion) , I am certain this is all some over the top marketing ploy.
- Janet Jackson: “Fleeting Material”
A court recently overturned the $550,000 fine against CBS for airing the notorious Justin/Janet Super Bowl fiasco. Considering how JJ’s career is doing lately (c’mon, I LOVED Penny, but we all know that if she weren’t a Jackson, that voice of hers wouldn’t have made it through the first rounds of “America’s Got Talent”), she’d probably rather be known as flashing some indecent nip than being labeled “fleeting.”
- That’s 20K - Fed
If you are a man with dreams of making a lot of money without having any skill set (whats so ever) Los Angeles is the place for you. I first really noticed this during the OJ trials and the introduction of Kato to our social vernacular. Now another “K” is keeping it real by doing a hella lot of nothing to the tune of $20k/month.
- Sambo Was Getting All the Honeys
All of my life, I have felt bad about the Sambo character. But no more! After reading this article in the Science Daily, I actually suspect Sambo was the Original Ladies Man, the man who coined “once you go black…”
He knew the true power and, uh, natural lift from watermelon.
Whose got the last laugh now?
- Seriously! No What?
Filed under a similar WTF sentiment, I had the displeasure of watching a few minutes of “House of Payne” this evening. I watched shuffling feet, bulging eyes…Being black in America is just like being part of a big dysfunctional family. You attend the family reunion and there is always that drunk uncle that hits on your boyfriend and gets rib juice on the lemon pound cake.
- Don’t Spare the Rod
I read on the cover of, was it the Post? Daily News?, that Cynthia Rodriguez (aka C-Rod) blames Madonna for A Rod’s infidelity and their pending divorce. I hope that’s not true. It’s not like Madonna (who my dear friend affectionately calls “Grandma”) is a saint or “blessed virgin”, but for once, women need to stop blaming each other when a man’s “head” goes astray. He was a whore before he met Madonna and will be a whore after.
- TRAILER!!!!!
Everyone knows I heart TMZ, aka Hard News Reporting. Before I begin my Fourth of July festivities, I wanted to share this with my people: “Cindy Brady - Grown Up, About to Throw Up“.
Cindy is no longer selling seashells by the seashore…she’s probably selling crystal meth.
- “He’s A Lovely Kid”
Imus is back. Open mouth insert foot. Apparently, his intent on asking “What color is he” (in regards to the sixth arrests of Dallas Cowboys Adam Jones) was to show he is down with the people, he understands the struggles of blacks in America. I don’t want Al Sharpton speaking for me so I sure as hell don’t want Imus speaking for me. Imus - you’re back. Not black.
- Amy Winehouse Father Tom Brokaw Smoking Crack
Taking a cue from “Hard News” which has extensively covered the meltdowns of various pop phenoms while other more pressing matters are going on, more and more papers have taken to mixing headlines. The Arsonist is not opposed to this. You basically get the message don’t you?
- Only in LA
This article reads like a 1950s Beach Bongo Bonanza sort of movie. Paparazzo is attacked by a group of surfers. All I am missing is for this rough violent gang of Abecrombie and Fitch types to break out into song and twist the night away.
- Let’s Bow Our Heads For A Moment to…
say whatever the fuck we God damn want to.
George, you will be missed.
- Sing-a-Long: Italians
It’s been a while since I did a sing-a-long. This one is dedicated to all of the Italians with too much time on their hands and too lazy to find a real cause. (Seriously, if anyone thinks negatively of Italian-Americans it is NOT because they watched “Jungle Fever” too many times.)
Sing!
What’sa matta you, hey!
Gotta no respect, whatta you think you do,
Why you looka so sad?
It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place,
Ah, Shaddap You Face!
- Spin Baby Spin!
Thanks to Scott McClellan, we know just how much to trust the Bush administration spokespersons. Scott Stanzel, speaking for the White House, defined our economy as “slow growth, but still positive“. I just can’t wait until he’s fired and writes a tell-all book. As Judge Milian would say, “I wouldn’t believe you if your tongue came notarized”.
- I Must Be Korean
We both hate Kobe.
Koreans are disgusted by American Beef.
I am disgusted by American Bryant.
(ok - he is an amazing player and the Lakers will probably get another ring. But I still can’t stand him).
