Everyone knows I heart TMZ, aka Hard News Reporting. Before I begin my Fourth of July festivities, I wanted to share this with my people: “Cindy Brady - Grown Up, About to Throw Up“.
Cindy is no longer selling seashells by the seashore…she’s probably selling crystal meth.
George W Bush calls the presidential runoff election in Zimbabwe a “sham”. Well, ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black.
Fox News. Fair and Balanced? Sure.
If, however, you took issue with Fox reporters calling Mrs. Obama, “Obama’s baby mama” or their victory pound, as a “terrorist fist jab”, send Roger Ailes (President of Fox News) a letter. It’s so easy to do.
Imus is back. Open mouth insert foot. Apparently, his intent on asking “What color is he” (in regards to the sixth arrests of Dallas Cowboys Adam Jones) was to show he is down with the people, he understands the struggles of blacks in America. I don’t want Al Sharpton speaking for me so I sure as hell don’t want Imus speaking for me. Imus - you’re back. Not black.
Taking a cue from “Hard News” which has extensively covered the meltdowns of various pop phenoms while other more pressing matters are going on, more and more papers have taken to mixing headlines. The Arsonist is not opposed to this. You basically get the message don’t you?
This article reads like a 1950s Beach Bongo Bonanza sort of movie. Paparazzo is attacked by a group of surfers. All I am missing is for this rough violent gang of Abecrombie and Fitch types to break out into song and twist the night away.
The Arsonist loved George Carlin. Some of the more acerbic wit displayed on these posts come directly from this man. The Arsonist is a biter, plain and simple.
Well known for his “Seven Dirty Words…” routine, George Carlin was far more than this one routine.
In fact, when The Arsonist thinks of George Carlin, the early days of HBO come to mind, when a single program could be seen 17 times in a day.
One particular HBO comedy special featured many comedians and one I’d never heard of named George Carlin. At the time The Arsonist only really knew that Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx stood on a stage and told jokes.
To this day I cant get near an airport without hearing George Carlin’s voice echoing in my head (paraphrasing) “The stewardess says, “get on the plane, get on the plane” F*ck you I’m getting IN the plane! Let Evil Knievel get ON the plane!” The 90 times or so The Arsonist saw that routine never made it any less hilarious.
But The Arsonist was just a stupid kid, so what did he know.
Headline of the day.
Um - how many more days must we suffer “the fool on the hill?”
Anyway, wondrous Dubya (aka the Prez) announced today that he vowed to speed up relief for flood victims in the Midwest. Seeing as people in Louisiana are still homeless from Katrina, perhaps we should further inspect exactly what he means by “Speed”. He’ll probably mention “the good ol’ times”.
ps the answer is 216 Days.
I heart Branson. What makes him so perfect and rich is he makes daring, bold moves while competitors go the easy, safe and tightwad route. So, American Airlines, United and US Airways are all charging for the first checked bag. AND US Air is charging for non-alcoholic drinks! MARK my words: BOYCOTT! And let’s see if Virgin Atlantic has anything to say about this.
It’s been a while since I did a sing-a-long. This one is dedicated to all of the Italians with too much time on their hands and too lazy to find a real cause. (Seriously, if anyone thinks negatively of Italian-Americans it is NOT because they watched “Jungle Fever” too many times.)
Sing!
What’sa matta you, hey!
Gotta no respect, whatta you think you do,
Why you looka so sad?
It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place,
Ah, Shaddap You Face!
The Arsonist wonders what Amy Winehouse might do with 2 Million Dollars .
All I’m gonna say is, I’m glad I’m not an airline. This, from the New York Times, is one of Delta’s plans to deal with rising costs of running an airline.
“Up in the cockpit, Delta is studying whether it is feasible to divide the heavy pilot manuals required on each flight between the captain and first officer, so pilots are not toting duplicate sets of five or six books that each weigh about a pound and a half.”
This is not to save on paper but to make the planes lighter and hence requiring less fuel to fly. Next they will be charging us for toilet paper. Or eliminating it all together.
Thanks to Scott McClellan, we know just how much to trust the Bush administration spokespersons. Scott Stanzel, speaking for the White House, defined our economy as “slow growth, but still positive“. I just can’t wait until he’s fired and writes a tell-all book. As Judge Milian would say, “I wouldn’t believe you if your tongue came notarized”.
We both hate Kobe.
Koreans are disgusted by American Beef.
I am disgusted by American Bryant.
(ok - he is an amazing player and the Lakers will probably get another ring. But I still can’t stand him).
(Warning - this post links to Youtube, more than once)
Poor Hillary. Yeah I said it. The Arsonist has largely refrained from commenting on the politics of the day. Save that Oprah post back in the day. And we haven’t heard a peep from her since I did… so whose got the power?
Now anyone with half a brain knows that Hillary is a “wild dude”. If the RFK statement didn’t cement it for you then nothing will.
Barack might be a “wild dude” too, but goddamit if he isn’t a smooth ass liar. Or didn’t you hear. A big part of politics is lying. Unintentional or otherwise. And when he’s really lying, boy is he bad at it. Hillary is bad at it too. Sounds like she’s just making it up as she goes along. Be she doesn’t care. She wants to be president reaaaaal bad.
No one ever didn’t care about lying more than George W. He seems mad that he actually has to take the time to lie because he’d prefer not to lie if you’d just let him do what he thinks he wants to do, or something like that.
I just watched “Recount” on HBO which tells the incredible story of the 2000 election and how (thanks to Florida), Dubya weaseled his way into the White House and into hearts. And now here we are again, Florida meddling in affairs and screwing with the election process. What we need to do is demote Florida. They can be a part of the USA just without all of the perks. Consider them the New Puerto Rico. Brilliant.
Some Jackass paid 20 Grand to fly from Singapore to see the Premiere of Sex and the City. Surprise of all surprises she didn’t like the movie.
The Arsonist is sure there’s going to be a Sopranos movie coming and for only $50,000 we’ll hook up a vacation package just for any other cable series buffs.
What’s not to love about Naomi Campbell. The Arsonist admires her consistency.
